[ Worrying at her lower lip as she thinks on that unspoken question, before looking up and feeling utterly at a loss.
This is news to her, and she can't help but question Tohru's assessment -- but she also knows he wouldn't say something like this if it weren't true.
Softly now, just barely above a whisper: ] I honestly couldn't tell you.
I'm hardly Tala or Elias, Fukuzawa-san.
[ Nor Deirdra. Or Anton, or Kaizen, who called Hikaru brother with the weight of family beneath the syllables. She had come too late in the game, long after Mapayapa was an in-joke, and had been thankful for the opportunity all the same. ]
[ And she's looking right back as if trying to figure out if this is a test -- if this is something that she has to answer right.
When it finally sinks in though, that the look in the Assassin's gaze is merely questioning, Cisco's shoulders sag and she sinks a little into herself, gaze falling down to her hands.
It is time, she realizes, to open up and tell someone other than those who already know. ]
The twins weren't Vincenzo's. [ Her voice is soft, weighted, because the statement feels wrong on her lips. Because her children are Cen's, in every way that matters. Because Renae and Maggie would sooner rip out the throats ( whether literal or metaphorical, is entirely dependent on which child ) of those who might say otherwise. ] The man who made our family possible was someone I killed.
[ Huh. Strange how she can suddenly remember the way it had felt, looking down at her hands and seeing all that blood, warm and slick. He'd never managed to lay a hand on her. She'd been too quick, too angry, and he had refused to give her back her wedding ring. ]
[That catches his attention. Cisco's story was one that he had never bothered to learn about in detail, or look into even when he had the opportunity to in the past: he had figured it was not important.
He also has a feeling that somehow, this is connected to their discussion. This woman does not, after all, mince words or waste time. Not anymore, at least.
Listening quietly, and turning his body just a little more to show her that he is waiting on her. She can take as much time as she likes.]
[ She's quiet for a good, long minute. Because she remembers the name too easily -- Darren Argos -- the man whose body burned away with gray flame the night Death arrived in that living room in Thailand, though it was Hikaru Shinta who saw the sentence through.
She remembers the relief at the sight of those familiar violet eyes in a face that was far too young. The way that, for all that the pitch of his voice was higher than she could remember ever hearing it back in 2012, the cadence of the Blade King's words still fell the same way. ]
My daughter has an odd way of putting it. She has this unshakable faith that things just manage to work out.
[ They had just turned sixteen when they'd gotten the white-ink tattoos on the balls of their feet. "For the one we all lost," was how Renae had put it. She'd been watching Cen and Henry teaching her son how to smoke up, when Maggie had come to sit with her, happy that all the pieces of the puzzle that made up their collective story were finally falling into place.
What was it that she said? ]
She told me, once: "If you hadn't loved Hikaru Shinta like the older brother that he had become for you, you wouldn't have grieved so much to try to have the brother we will never know.
If that brother had never been lost, you wouldn't have run, wouldn't have had us, wouldn't have learned that no man will ever compare to our real father, the wolf who had once just been a boy offering you friendship in a vineyard."
[ She'd wondered then: who is this girl, so surprisingly wise for someone so young. ]
The man who fathered my children had sold my child to cover his debts. And then he'd come home to bait me with my wedding ring.
I wasn't sorry when I realized that he was dead. [ A pause, as she lifts a hand to brush at her nose. ] But I was afraid.
[ Looking at Tohru, now, wondering if he will understand what she means. ]
[He appears to, all things considered. Faith may have been a tricky concept for a man like himself (he had the tendency to be suspicious of any belief, any established order), but he knew enough about what it was like to have to let go, and let one's betters or simply even the powers of the universe around one's self bring things together. It was up to you to see the signs as they came. As for that last part in the tale...]
Death must have known the depth of his need, and the depth of yours. Else, he would not have allowed his vessel to do such a thing.
[That seemed to be the only logical conclusion to it. Why, after all, would Brother Death break his hold for such a long time for this one person? The five-minute calls between the Seer and the Wolf had been a negligent concession Hikaru Shinta's last conversation with Jessiah Vice at eighteen had been an accident.]
[ Nodding quietly at that. Remembering, too, how lost she'd felt, and how afraid she'd been before she had turned to see Hikaru there, as if in intervention. ]
He use to talk a lot of sense into me, [ Hikaru, she means. ] Back when I was starting out. Called me out on my bad decisions, made me feel safe.
[ A breath, at that. ] I remember the first time I met him.
Setsuna had wandered into my yard and I thought... that is a weird looking dog. And then two weeks later, she wanted out, so I joined her, just to keep an eye on her. [ A smile as she remembers watching the fox bound off, and how she'd looked up to see this incredibly beautiful man with startling violet eyes. ]
And then he was there. [ A soft shrug. ] "Thank you for looking after my dog," he told me.
[ It had been the beginning of change -- and she's been grateful for it since. ]
[ A soft laugh escapes her, the sound of it strangely less of a chuckle and more of a wheeze. ] I guess not.
[ Family, right? Her children called Hikaru 'Uncle' often enough. And her home had always been open to that one, whether he took the offer or not.
She sighs, tucks a wayward strand of hair behind one ear. When she speaks again, she does so, quietly. ]
I really am glad that you're back with the Searing Wind. [ A beat, and then. ] He needs... [ faltering a little ] he needs people he can trust and rely on, now.
[ Because things haven't been good. Not for a while. ]
I think it would be more accurate to say that those whom he trusts and relies on need to remind him that he is allowed to accept our help.
[Because he has always been surrounded by people who were willing to stand with him. That has not changed for him in centuries, to Tohru's understanding. His tendencies, though...]
[ This one's excusing herself from your company now. She may have had her meal, but breakfast with the Lodge in Seigi is something she's realized she's missed; and besides, she hasn't made okonomiyaki in a while. Authentic ingredients from the place the dish was brained is always better, after all. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He calls you a friend. He says it with a different weight from how he regards most of your other blade mates.
[Why?
That question is not spoken out loud, but it is there.]
no subject
This is news to her, and she can't help but question Tohru's assessment -- but she also knows he wouldn't say something like this if it weren't true.
Softly now, just barely above a whisper: ] I honestly couldn't tell you.
I'm hardly Tala or Elias, Fukuzawa-san.
[ Nor Deirdra. Or Anton, or Kaizen, who called Hikaru brother with the weight of family beneath the syllables. She had come too late in the game, long after Mapayapa was an in-joke, and had been thankful for the opportunity all the same. ]
no subject
[Watching her now. It's less of an assessing look, and more... curious.]
no subject
When it finally sinks in though, that the look in the Assassin's gaze is merely questioning, Cisco's shoulders sag and she sinks a little into herself, gaze falling down to her hands.
It is time, she realizes, to open up and tell someone other than those who already know. ]
The twins weren't Vincenzo's. [ Her voice is soft, weighted, because the statement feels wrong on her lips. Because her children are Cen's, in every way that matters. Because Renae and Maggie would sooner rip out the throats ( whether literal or metaphorical, is entirely dependent on which child ) of those who might say otherwise. ] The man who made our family possible was someone I killed.
[ Huh. Strange how she can suddenly remember the way it had felt, looking down at her hands and seeing all that blood, warm and slick. He'd never managed to lay a hand on her. She'd been too quick, too angry, and he had refused to give her back her wedding ring. ]
no subject
He also has a feeling that somehow, this is connected to their discussion. This woman does not, after all, mince words or waste time. Not anymore, at least.
Listening quietly, and turning his body just a little more to show her that he is waiting on her. She can take as much time as she likes.]
no subject
She remembers the relief at the sight of those familiar violet eyes in a face that was far too young. The way that, for all that the pitch of his voice was higher than she could remember ever hearing it back in 2012, the cadence of the Blade King's words still fell the same way. ]
My daughter has an odd way of putting it. She has this unshakable faith that things just manage to work out.
[ They had just turned sixteen when they'd gotten the white-ink tattoos on the balls of their feet. "For the one we all lost," was how Renae had put it. She'd been watching Cen and Henry teaching her son how to smoke up, when Maggie had come to sit with her, happy that all the pieces of the puzzle that made up their collective story were finally falling into place.
What was it that she said? ]
She told me, once: "If you hadn't loved Hikaru Shinta like the older brother that he had become for you, you wouldn't have grieved so much to try to have the brother we will never know.
If that brother had never been lost, you wouldn't have run, wouldn't have had us, wouldn't have learned that no man will ever compare to our real father, the wolf who had once just been a boy offering you friendship in a vineyard."
[ She'd wondered then: who is this girl, so surprisingly wise for someone so young. ]
The man who fathered my children had sold my child to cover his debts. And then he'd come home to bait me with my wedding ring.
I wasn't sorry when I realized that he was dead. [ A pause, as she lifts a hand to brush at her nose. ] But I was afraid.
[ Looking at Tohru, now, wondering if he will understand what she means. ]
And then I wasn't anymore.
no subject
Death must have known the depth of his need, and the depth of yours. Else, he would not have allowed his vessel to do such a thing.
[That seemed to be the only logical conclusion to it. Why, after all, would Brother Death break his hold for such a long time for this one person? The five-minute calls between the Seer and the Wolf had been a negligent concession Hikaru Shinta's last conversation with Jessiah Vice at eighteen had been an accident.]
no subject
He use to talk a lot of sense into me, [ Hikaru, she means. ] Back when I was starting out. Called me out on my bad decisions, made me feel safe.
[ A breath, at that. ] I remember the first time I met him.
Setsuna had wandered into my yard and I thought... that is a weird looking dog. And then two weeks later, she wanted out, so I joined her, just to keep an eye on her. [ A smile as she remembers watching the fox bound off, and how she'd looked up to see this incredibly beautiful man with startling violet eyes. ]
And then he was there. [ A soft shrug. ] "Thank you for looking after my dog," he told me.
[ It had been the beginning of change -- and she's been grateful for it since. ]
no subject
[Twice was plenty for anyone with their heart in the right place.]
Is there really any room for doubt now?
[She was not just a friend. That was all there was to it.]
no subject
[ Family, right? Her children called Hikaru 'Uncle' often enough. And her home had always been open to that one, whether he took the offer or not.
She sighs, tucks a wayward strand of hair behind one ear. When she speaks again, she does so, quietly. ]
I really am glad that you're back with the Searing Wind. [ A beat, and then. ] He needs... [ faltering a little ] he needs people he can trust and rely on, now.
[ Because things haven't been good. Not for a while. ]
no subject
[Because he has always been surrounded by people who were willing to stand with him. That has not changed for him in centuries, to Tohru's understanding. His tendencies, though...]
no subject
Then reminders are definitely in order.
[ A smile your way now, Tohru. ] Thank you, for this talk.
I had not realized that I had needed it. [ She really hadn't. ]
no subject
[Dipping his head in your direction, with a small but genuine smile.]
Have a good day, sister.
no subject
[ This one's excusing herself from your company now. She may have had her meal, but breakfast with the Lodge in Seigi is something she's realized she's missed; and besides, she hasn't made okonomiyaki in a while. Authentic ingredients from the place the dish was brained is always better, after all. ]