[ She ruminates over that statement for a bit, before pulling out her own pack of cigarettes and lighting up a stick. When she breathes in, Cisco tilts her face up a little, savoring the drag and exhaling quietly. ]
What good is being loyal if you turn a blind eye to the mistakes that could harm the whole. [ She fishes for her tin, taps the ash out in its confines. ] We all make mistakes, it's part of how we figure out how to be better, and how never to make those same mistakes again.
[ Falling quiet a moment, and then: ] Aria has my love, that's never going to change. But that doesn't mean I have to condone harmful behavior, or just sit idly by and watch collateral damage happen on my watch.
[ She trails off and thinks about two tiny children who'd spent the formative years of their lives cut off from others their age; fearful, in two very different ways, towards a man who she'd had the bad judgement to trust until it was too late.
She kills her finished cigarette, lights another. ]
She's in no position to do what she should be doing. But sadly, she's so convinced that she can take things all on her own that she can't even listen to the people who love her most. [ A glance slid over at Tohru at that; an almost helpless shrug and a shake of the head that is punctuated by the slightest bitter twist of the mouth. ]
My apologies, Fukuzawa-san, [ again, in Japanese. ] I guess my upset over this whole thing is coming a bit delayed. It's hard to see history repeat itself in a far more damaging way and have very little space to move in order to help fix it.
[And he is watching her the entire time, noticing everything, measuring everything, weighing possibilities, checking if there is any truth that must be peeled away from lies.
There are none. That last statement is also catching his attention.]
You have tried to stop her from a foolish course of action before?
[ Her brow twitches in answer -- Yes, and not alone -- before she looks over to The Assassin and gestures with a simple lift of the hand to welcome him into her head. ]
I'm not at my most objective right now. If I tell you, I acknowledge that having spoken to two of my blade mates has left me emotionally compromised. [ There's an unspoken thing here as well: how she and Hikaru have touched base often enough of late that her bias has swung heavily in the Blade King's favor. ]
Mostly because he has such a good heart. [ Taking another puff, noting as well, that the seats between them have been vacated and that no one seems keen on filling them.
Cisco rises from her seat, comes over and with a nod, asking for permission, she sets her things on the counter, finishes her cigarette and kills it. ] May I join you, Fukuzawa-san?
[He only nods, and turns briefly back to his food in order to finish it off.
Not much for words, this one, especially if he feels that he has talked too long, or too much. It's a little uncomfortable, knowing full well why he's letting just enough of his control go this time around.
The Blade King always did have a way of getting through to him.]
[ Joining Tohru now, but saying nothing as she lights up another cigarette, her gaze following the tendrils of smoke as they curl in mid-air.
She bows her head quietly.
Odd that she would remember how the flames from that night had been a color close enough to that of smoke. She hasn't thought of that night in years. ]
[ Worrying at her lower lip as she thinks on that unspoken question, before looking up and feeling utterly at a loss.
This is news to her, and she can't help but question Tohru's assessment -- but she also knows he wouldn't say something like this if it weren't true.
Softly now, just barely above a whisper: ] I honestly couldn't tell you.
I'm hardly Tala or Elias, Fukuzawa-san.
[ Nor Deirdra. Or Anton, or Kaizen, who called Hikaru brother with the weight of family beneath the syllables. She had come too late in the game, long after Mapayapa was an in-joke, and had been thankful for the opportunity all the same. ]
[ And she's looking right back as if trying to figure out if this is a test -- if this is something that she has to answer right.
When it finally sinks in though, that the look in the Assassin's gaze is merely questioning, Cisco's shoulders sag and she sinks a little into herself, gaze falling down to her hands.
It is time, she realizes, to open up and tell someone other than those who already know. ]
The twins weren't Vincenzo's. [ Her voice is soft, weighted, because the statement feels wrong on her lips. Because her children are Cen's, in every way that matters. Because Renae and Maggie would sooner rip out the throats ( whether literal or metaphorical, is entirely dependent on which child ) of those who might say otherwise. ] The man who made our family possible was someone I killed.
[ Huh. Strange how she can suddenly remember the way it had felt, looking down at her hands and seeing all that blood, warm and slick. He'd never managed to lay a hand on her. She'd been too quick, too angry, and he had refused to give her back her wedding ring. ]
[That catches his attention. Cisco's story was one that he had never bothered to learn about in detail, or look into even when he had the opportunity to in the past: he had figured it was not important.
He also has a feeling that somehow, this is connected to their discussion. This woman does not, after all, mince words or waste time. Not anymore, at least.
Listening quietly, and turning his body just a little more to show her that he is waiting on her. She can take as much time as she likes.]
[ She's quiet for a good, long minute. Because she remembers the name too easily -- Darren Argos -- the man whose body burned away with gray flame the night Death arrived in that living room in Thailand, though it was Hikaru Shinta who saw the sentence through.
She remembers the relief at the sight of those familiar violet eyes in a face that was far too young. The way that, for all that the pitch of his voice was higher than she could remember ever hearing it back in 2012, the cadence of the Blade King's words still fell the same way. ]
My daughter has an odd way of putting it. She has this unshakable faith that things just manage to work out.
[ They had just turned sixteen when they'd gotten the white-ink tattoos on the balls of their feet. "For the one we all lost," was how Renae had put it. She'd been watching Cen and Henry teaching her son how to smoke up, when Maggie had come to sit with her, happy that all the pieces of the puzzle that made up their collective story were finally falling into place.
What was it that she said? ]
She told me, once: "If you hadn't loved Hikaru Shinta like the older brother that he had become for you, you wouldn't have grieved so much to try to have the brother we will never know.
If that brother had never been lost, you wouldn't have run, wouldn't have had us, wouldn't have learned that no man will ever compare to our real father, the wolf who had once just been a boy offering you friendship in a vineyard."
[ She'd wondered then: who is this girl, so surprisingly wise for someone so young. ]
The man who fathered my children had sold my child to cover his debts. And then he'd come home to bait me with my wedding ring.
I wasn't sorry when I realized that he was dead. [ A pause, as she lifts a hand to brush at her nose. ] But I was afraid.
[ Looking at Tohru, now, wondering if he will understand what she means. ]
[He appears to, all things considered. Faith may have been a tricky concept for a man like himself (he had the tendency to be suspicious of any belief, any established order), but he knew enough about what it was like to have to let go, and let one's betters or simply even the powers of the universe around one's self bring things together. It was up to you to see the signs as they came. As for that last part in the tale...]
Death must have known the depth of his need, and the depth of yours. Else, he would not have allowed his vessel to do such a thing.
[That seemed to be the only logical conclusion to it. Why, after all, would Brother Death break his hold for such a long time for this one person? The five-minute calls between the Seer and the Wolf had been a negligent concession Hikaru Shinta's last conversation with Jessiah Vice at eighteen had been an accident.]
[ Nodding quietly at that. Remembering, too, how lost she'd felt, and how afraid she'd been before she had turned to see Hikaru there, as if in intervention. ]
He use to talk a lot of sense into me, [ Hikaru, she means. ] Back when I was starting out. Called me out on my bad decisions, made me feel safe.
[ A breath, at that. ] I remember the first time I met him.
Setsuna had wandered into my yard and I thought... that is a weird looking dog. And then two weeks later, she wanted out, so I joined her, just to keep an eye on her. [ A smile as she remembers watching the fox bound off, and how she'd looked up to see this incredibly beautiful man with startling violet eyes. ]
And then he was there. [ A soft shrug. ] "Thank you for looking after my dog," he told me.
[ It had been the beginning of change -- and she's been grateful for it since. ]
[ A soft laugh escapes her, the sound of it strangely less of a chuckle and more of a wheeze. ] I guess not.
[ Family, right? Her children called Hikaru 'Uncle' often enough. And her home had always been open to that one, whether he took the offer or not.
She sighs, tucks a wayward strand of hair behind one ear. When she speaks again, she does so, quietly. ]
I really am glad that you're back with the Searing Wind. [ A beat, and then. ] He needs... [ faltering a little ] he needs people he can trust and rely on, now.
[ Because things haven't been good. Not for a while. ]
I think it would be more accurate to say that those whom he trusts and relies on need to remind him that he is allowed to accept our help.
[Because he has always been surrounded by people who were willing to stand with him. That has not changed for him in centuries, to Tohru's understanding. His tendencies, though...]
[ This one's excusing herself from your company now. She may have had her meal, but breakfast with the Lodge in Seigi is something she's realized she's missed; and besides, she hasn't made okonomiyaki in a while. Authentic ingredients from the place the dish was brained is always better, after all. ]
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What good is being loyal if you turn a blind eye to the mistakes that could harm the whole. [ She fishes for her tin, taps the ash out in its confines. ] We all make mistakes, it's part of how we figure out how to be better, and how never to make those same mistakes again.
[ Falling quiet a moment, and then: ] Aria has my love, that's never going to change. But that doesn't mean I have to condone harmful behavior, or just sit idly by and watch collateral damage happen on my watch.
[ She trails off and thinks about two tiny children who'd spent the formative years of their lives cut off from others their age; fearful, in two very different ways, towards a man who she'd had the bad judgement to trust until it was too late.
She kills her finished cigarette, lights another. ]
She's in no position to do what she should be doing. But sadly, she's so convinced that she can take things all on her own that she can't even listen to the people who love her most. [ A glance slid over at Tohru at that; an almost helpless shrug and a shake of the head that is punctuated by the slightest bitter twist of the mouth. ]
My apologies, Fukuzawa-san, [ again, in Japanese. ] I guess my upset over this whole thing is coming a bit delayed. It's hard to see history repeat itself in a far more damaging way and have very little space to move in order to help fix it.
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There are none. That last statement is also catching his attention.]
You have tried to stop her from a foolish course of action before?
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I'm not at my most objective right now. If I tell you, I acknowledge that having spoken to two of my blade mates has left me emotionally compromised. [ There's an unspoken thing here as well: how she and Hikaru have touched base often enough of late that her bias has swung heavily in the Blade King's favor. ]
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[And then he's simply reaching into her mind, sifting through the memories, and --
-- interesting.
By the time he's done, he's withdrawing just so, with both eyebrows lifted.]
That has convinced me only further that what I did was right.
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[ Frank and unapologetic about it; tapping out the ash from her stick. ]
She can't protect him if she can't even-- [ lips pressing together now, and looking away. ] She can't protect him the way she is now.
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[He used to fault the man for it until he had come to understand why. Now they have... how does one put it? An understanding.]
Nevertheless, Hikaru was not pleased with me.
[Was that a slip? Perhaps.]
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And because she's a mother who has some understanding of that. ]
Only because he's got-- [ a sigh, Oh, Hikaru, ] --something of a blind spot where it concerns her.
[ Is that mild disapproval? Maybe. ]
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[Mild, trying not too sound too disapproving. Why do you think he works so hard to watch over this one?
(He knows, too well, that is is one of those blind spots in his own right.)]
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Cisco rises from her seat, comes over and with a nod, asking for permission, she sets her things on the counter, finishes her cigarette and kills it. ] May I join you, Fukuzawa-san?
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Not much for words, this one, especially if he feels that he has talked too long, or too much. It's a little uncomfortable, knowing full well why he's letting just enough of his control go this time around.
The Blade King always did have a way of getting through to him.]
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She bows her head quietly.
Odd that she would remember how the flames from that night had been a color close enough to that of smoke. She hasn't thought of that night in years. ]
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He calls you a friend. He says it with a different weight from how he regards most of your other blade mates.
[Why?
That question is not spoken out loud, but it is there.]
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This is news to her, and she can't help but question Tohru's assessment -- but she also knows he wouldn't say something like this if it weren't true.
Softly now, just barely above a whisper: ] I honestly couldn't tell you.
I'm hardly Tala or Elias, Fukuzawa-san.
[ Nor Deirdra. Or Anton, or Kaizen, who called Hikaru brother with the weight of family beneath the syllables. She had come too late in the game, long after Mapayapa was an in-joke, and had been thankful for the opportunity all the same. ]
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[Watching her now. It's less of an assessing look, and more... curious.]
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When it finally sinks in though, that the look in the Assassin's gaze is merely questioning, Cisco's shoulders sag and she sinks a little into herself, gaze falling down to her hands.
It is time, she realizes, to open up and tell someone other than those who already know. ]
The twins weren't Vincenzo's. [ Her voice is soft, weighted, because the statement feels wrong on her lips. Because her children are Cen's, in every way that matters. Because Renae and Maggie would sooner rip out the throats ( whether literal or metaphorical, is entirely dependent on which child ) of those who might say otherwise. ] The man who made our family possible was someone I killed.
[ Huh. Strange how she can suddenly remember the way it had felt, looking down at her hands and seeing all that blood, warm and slick. He'd never managed to lay a hand on her. She'd been too quick, too angry, and he had refused to give her back her wedding ring. ]
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He also has a feeling that somehow, this is connected to their discussion. This woman does not, after all, mince words or waste time. Not anymore, at least.
Listening quietly, and turning his body just a little more to show her that he is waiting on her. She can take as much time as she likes.]
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She remembers the relief at the sight of those familiar violet eyes in a face that was far too young. The way that, for all that the pitch of his voice was higher than she could remember ever hearing it back in 2012, the cadence of the Blade King's words still fell the same way. ]
My daughter has an odd way of putting it. She has this unshakable faith that things just manage to work out.
[ They had just turned sixteen when they'd gotten the white-ink tattoos on the balls of their feet. "For the one we all lost," was how Renae had put it. She'd been watching Cen and Henry teaching her son how to smoke up, when Maggie had come to sit with her, happy that all the pieces of the puzzle that made up their collective story were finally falling into place.
What was it that she said? ]
She told me, once: "If you hadn't loved Hikaru Shinta like the older brother that he had become for you, you wouldn't have grieved so much to try to have the brother we will never know.
If that brother had never been lost, you wouldn't have run, wouldn't have had us, wouldn't have learned that no man will ever compare to our real father, the wolf who had once just been a boy offering you friendship in a vineyard."
[ She'd wondered then: who is this girl, so surprisingly wise for someone so young. ]
The man who fathered my children had sold my child to cover his debts. And then he'd come home to bait me with my wedding ring.
I wasn't sorry when I realized that he was dead. [ A pause, as she lifts a hand to brush at her nose. ] But I was afraid.
[ Looking at Tohru, now, wondering if he will understand what she means. ]
And then I wasn't anymore.
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Death must have known the depth of his need, and the depth of yours. Else, he would not have allowed his vessel to do such a thing.
[That seemed to be the only logical conclusion to it. Why, after all, would Brother Death break his hold for such a long time for this one person? The five-minute calls between the Seer and the Wolf had been a negligent concession Hikaru Shinta's last conversation with Jessiah Vice at eighteen had been an accident.]
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He use to talk a lot of sense into me, [ Hikaru, she means. ] Back when I was starting out. Called me out on my bad decisions, made me feel safe.
[ A breath, at that. ] I remember the first time I met him.
Setsuna had wandered into my yard and I thought... that is a weird looking dog. And then two weeks later, she wanted out, so I joined her, just to keep an eye on her. [ A smile as she remembers watching the fox bound off, and how she'd looked up to see this incredibly beautiful man with startling violet eyes. ]
And then he was there. [ A soft shrug. ] "Thank you for looking after my dog," he told me.
[ It had been the beginning of change -- and she's been grateful for it since. ]
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[Twice was plenty for anyone with their heart in the right place.]
Is there really any room for doubt now?
[She was not just a friend. That was all there was to it.]
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[ Family, right? Her children called Hikaru 'Uncle' often enough. And her home had always been open to that one, whether he took the offer or not.
She sighs, tucks a wayward strand of hair behind one ear. When she speaks again, she does so, quietly. ]
I really am glad that you're back with the Searing Wind. [ A beat, and then. ] He needs... [ faltering a little ] he needs people he can trust and rely on, now.
[ Because things haven't been good. Not for a while. ]
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[Because he has always been surrounded by people who were willing to stand with him. That has not changed for him in centuries, to Tohru's understanding. His tendencies, though...]
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Then reminders are definitely in order.
[ A smile your way now, Tohru. ] Thank you, for this talk.
I had not realized that I had needed it. [ She really hadn't. ]
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[Dipping his head in your direction, with a small but genuine smile.]
Have a good day, sister.
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[ This one's excusing herself from your company now. She may have had her meal, but breakfast with the Lodge in Seigi is something she's realized she's missed; and besides, she hasn't made okonomiyaki in a while. Authentic ingredients from the place the dish was brained is always better, after all. ]